247 - ADHD and the Gift of Loopholes

There are a million solutions, a million reasons, a million symptoms, a million workarounds, so which one is the right one? Let's discuss.

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Transcript

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There's so many things to think about when it comes to doing a thing, doesn't it? It's a lot of things in order to do a thing. So many things. So how do we do a thing when it takes like eight things to do the thing? And if we can't do the thing, well, we need a solution for that. And which solution in the sea of solutions? We gotta uh ascertain the problem. What's the problem that needs and what's the solution for the problem? Ah, let's just let's figure out what it's gonna take to do one single goddamn thing. You are listening to ADHD Big Brother, the podcast for adults struggling with their ADHD, their comorbid depression, their anxiety. Oh, it's just a new. I'm your host and your ADHD Big Brother, Rush Jones. I've got ADHD too. I've got depression as well. It's crap tastic. So let's learn some stuff, let's laugh at some stuff, let's make some commitments to do some stuff. Ladies and gentlemen, here's some stuff. Welcome to the podcast. Uh hi. First of all, hi, how you doing? Um, I'm gonna be doing a mental health report here soon, but before that, this is releasing on June 1st, so pay your rent, pay your mortgages. But this $10 for 10 days thing that I've been doing a few times, uh, it always goes so well. Uh, more than half of the people that try it out end up staying at ADHG Big Brothers. So, what it is is you can join the community for 10 days for $10. You don't, it doesn't auto-sign you up, it just auto-kicks you out after 10 days. So you don't have to worry about being charged again or anything. Um, but sometimes people are just like, you know, I need to get in there and explore the space. I'll throw you a 10-spot rust, and then I need to fiddle fart with the features to figure it out for myself. So great. I decided to bust it out first couple of days, few days of the month. Um, I'll open it up to you can do that and uh fiddle fart with the features. Um, so you know I talk about ADHD Brother all the time. Like, what in the fudge happens over there? Uh, it's really something that you need to experience. Uh, I marvel at it, but I own it. So it's like, okay, what are you tooting your own horn? It's the people. I mean, holy shit, balls. We have some of the most amazing, inspiring folks in there. So if you're a person that you know what to do, or even if you're like, I don't know, what of all the things to do, but if you if you're just not doing it, I built the most affordable place to do that. It's not to learn how to do it, but I'm talking about to actually do stuff. The things. Pick any situation that you're in, right? Too depressed, too overwhelmed, too busy, too scared, too dumb, too smart, too buried. We support and provide the scaffolding and the accountability to do stuff. It's the implementation engine. So go on, get in there and check it out. All right, let's do the mental health report. Uh, this is where we talk about our school spaghetti. It's the good, the bad, and the weird, right? Because we're not always fine. We got to normalize the conversation. Uh, I'm not fine. I'll I'll come right out and say it. I'm currently suffering. If that's what you would say, I'm suffering from it. I don't know. Mentally, I'm good when I'm around people. I'm good around my kids. We're playing Fortnite again. Man, we're on there doing Fortnite OG. I'm good around Emily. Oh, love her dearly. Super great. Uh, but what is sucking right now is my alone time. When I'm with my thoughts, I it they're corrupt. I think that's the best way that I could describe it. It's my autopilot, it's riddled with like cynicism, opposition, paranoia, hopelessness. There's no vision of better days. And then physically that translates into like a fatigue, even though I have energy. I have these waves of hunger, but like it's in my chest. So it's like a hunger for you know that hunger for food, that like that emptiness that you'd feel, and you're like, Oh, I'm I need some food. I feel that in my chest, and it's not for it's not for food. It's like this deep yearning. I that's the best way I can describe it. It's like an emptiness, this desperation that it's like it needs to be filled. The feeling wants to go away. And then the thoughts that go into my head are like, ooh, whiskey. Whiskey will make that go away, or uh, you know, can of chewing tobacco or cigarettes, oh, that'll make it go away. I'm like, thank God I don't drink anymore, or that I can no more alcohol, no more nicotine. I'd be like all over that place. I'd be in a season of drinking right now. So that's how it physically feels. It's you know, it's an unsatiated yearning. Uh, you know, I've I've been doing the past few nights, uh, which I'm gonna get a handle on this. I need to really get my bedtime in order. But I've been binge watching um like you a golden buzzer audition, you know, medley's or compilations on that America's got talent or Britain's got talent, or I don't know, Canada, Canada's got talent, or Madagascar's got talent, all the any one of them. But you get these kids that, you know, they were bullied, and then they have these angelic voices, and I just weep openly in my bed at night. Um, so happy for them in their dreams. I'm so so happy for them. And then I Google their names to be like, well, where are they now? And that they're successful, they're doing stuff, and I feel so happy for them. So that's what I've been doing in the night. I should really get back to reading. That's pretty much my mental health report. Uh, I'm doing what I can to get outside. That's so hard to do. You solopreneurs, you'll get what I'm talking about. Like we we grind it out in our homes, right? In front of a computer. There's always work to be done. So we have to make time to go outside and schedule it, or we have to choose it. And that's not easy when you're depressed. The the frame of mind, you know, that people they there's I could easily look at a good frame of mind here, right? You know, look, I'm a solopreneur, I kick out, I can pay my bills with my solopreneuring. How fucking cool is that? The uh that's fulfilling. I'm doing a fulfilling thing. But that's not, it's only on paper that I could see that and say that. That's not the internal dialogue, and that's not my truth in the moment. Do you know what I mean? So that's not really a thing for me. So anyway, that's my mental health report. I'm still not medicating. I just don't want that journey at the moment. Um, but you know, if it gets too dark for too long, you know, I'll I'll jump back on the medicine train, I suppose. Give it a thwacksky poo. How are you doing? You know, you're always welcome to share how you're doing. I'm doors wide open. Sometimes it's just nice to unburden ourselves, you know, get it off our chest to some random dude whose podcast we just listened to. You know, so you know, if I could be that guy for you, go ahead. Shoot me a message, I'll respond. Um, so I don't need to tell you that we live in an era of too much information. Um, I do? Okay. We live in an era of too much information. Um, this entire planet is like this spinning ball of TMI. And we have stuff that we want to do, right? Like we want to get the dishes done, we want to get the invoice to the client, we want to sort out our paperwork, we want to finish drawing up the plans for our time machine, whatever is our thing that we're doing. We want to do it, but we don't do it. But because our planet and our access to all of the information, like, how do we figure out what's getting in the way? Is it because of my ADHD? Or maybe I have autism. Maybe I have maybe it's my Audi HD, or what if it's my depression? Or what if I'm emotionally dysregulated and that's why I'm not doing the thing? Or what if it's my childhood trauma? What if it was that? Or what if it's my ineffective planning system that I never fully incorporated? I just have a sea of half-attempted spreadsheets. What if it's that? But what if it's not that? What if it's my shitty diet or my shitty exercise or my shitty sleep? I was like, we should really figure out what it is before we do anything, before we try anything. We should really determine exactly the levels of dopamine that we need and what is going on. We should probably get on Instagram. We should probably scroll through uh as many answers as we could get. And you know, maybe we, or maybe we should ask Claude. Claude will tell us exactly what's going on. Oh my God, Claude will absolutely, and then you'll say, Claude, I don't think that's it. And Claude will say, Oh, you're right, good catch. It's this other thing. And you'll be like, Claude, I don't think that's right either. And Claude will be like, fair point. Fair point. You're right. It's actually this other thing, and on and on and on goes with Claude. I would like to just propose a new route. Or a route, maybe it's not new. A route. An avenue, if you will. I'm not your guy. If you're looking for that gaslighting into believing ADHD is great, I've had it for 50 years. That's trying to tell me what my reality is with this thing is uh it's not a it's greatness, it's not my reality. Um, and I I really don't like that reframe. I've managed it fairly successfully for close to a decade. There are things that I'm good at, and there's things that I suck at. And ADHD will I give it absolute credit for all of those things that I suck at. This pile of school spaghetti known as my brain is what I credit to all my struggles. The stuff that I'm good at, that goes to me. That goes to my soul. That's my that's the meanness. That is the me of that is the inner me of all the higher me. I don't know, whatever you guys call your spirit orb inside of you. That's what gets credit for the good. I'm very creative. And I've written zero thank you notes to my ADHD. Screw that and thank you. ADHD is a gift. The thing that we take medicine for. That is our gift. Take some pills. Here's pills for your gift. Pills for your gift. I don't get it. Why are we medicating it then? You know what? I'm on uh medicine for my blood pressure gift. My high blood pressure gift. Maybe I've just been looking at it wrong. Perspective is everything. Like I inherited it. My arteries are just uh differently opened. My high blood pressure is really my superpower. Oh my god. I don't get it half the time. Anyway, what are we gonna do about it? So we have to figure out how to do things, right? That's what I care about. How do we do a thing? You've most likely done a lot of research on ADHD. You probably read more studies than I have. I'm supremely individualistic. Yes, there's commonalities, but my eye is really on the thing that you're trying to do. So the equation is really like we have you, the unique you, nobody else is you, and then the thing you're trying to do. What are you trying to do? And if the answer is, oh, I need to fix myself, uh, so then that I can do the thing, then I think you're screwed. That's just a personal opinion. Um, because the process of fixing ourselves is not the doing of the thing, it's the fixing of ourselves, right? I think it's way more effective and maybe uh streamlined to do the thing and we fix ourselves through the doing of the thing. Like if I do the laundry today and if I put it all away, if I finish the laundry and then I check in with myself, do I feel better or worse about my situation? I'm not typically throwing myself a parade for doing the laundry. I mean, sometimes I am, but um the cleanliness of the room, because there's no laundry laying around, feels better than it does worse. I'm in a better place than I was before the laundry. The idea that I would have all kinds of clean clothes, that feels all right. It's a subtle good. It's not euphoric, but it's it's it's there. I find it personally very complicated to try and assess the specific issues in the moment because that becomes homework and that pulls us from the task. And we're a different person every minute of every day. Who you are today and your energy and your executive function juice, it's always changing. Things happen, our mood states change. We're constantly like in this state of change. And one day we have drive, another day we don't. So some days we have resistance, some days we don't. The thing that is constant, that there is no matter what, is the task, the to-do. I feel like we get consumed. I'm guilty of this as well, like of trying to pinpoint the true source so that we can create the perfect flawless system that makes any task doable at any time. We seek the culprit so uh aggressively. Is it is it the dopamine? Could be. Is it my ADHD? Maybe it's the environment? Is it the sleep? Is it my planning? Is it my preparation? Is it my task management software? Could be my planner. Is it my childhood trauma? Is it mom's fault? Is it my dad's fault? Is it my health? Maybe it's my diet. So for a people who are prone to paralysis, oh my fucking god, like we'll just grab a blog post somewhere and be like, oh, that's me. That's who I am. And then that's the I don't know. I believe that the way I'll say my school spaghetti works is we're looking to make things as easy as possible, but we complicate the hell out of our lives in an attempt to streamline and make things easy. And I think the flaw in this is that there is no system that takes away the tension of a shitty task. So it's it won't matter how easily we planned and prepared and centered our chakras and did our breathing exercises. That email to Troy is still gonna suck. And our brain will find the loophole to get us out of it. That's the superpower, really, right? It's the brain is gonna save us from the drama of this task. But the brain, that's the brain isn't Superman, it's the super villain, it's Slex loophole. So I'm super cynical right now. You guys give me some space, give me, cut me a little bit of slack on like how cynical I am right now. I can taste it in my mouth, I can feel it. It's bad, man. But you know what? This is like this is who I was 10 years ago. I still have remnants of this person in me. Like it, this ADHD bullshit, it's an upstream uh swim sometimes, right? And which is why I promote doing this work with others. There is an endless supply of justifiable reasons to not do a thing. Things that are in this endless loop of like we want to do them, but then we resist, then we don't do them, then we lament it, then we beat ourselves up, and then we escape picking whatever vice we have at the moment, and then we want again after some point. And I want to say this the answer might very well be in the task. So I can't give you as a listener, I can't give you accountability. Um, and education only goes so far. So this is literally just me offering a solution. Um, but if you're one of the community members listening to this, I dare you to put that important task into your next daily accountability post. Put your day streak on the line for it. I dare you. And this is how you do it. But in general, this is how I would suggest going after this. You have this one task that you know you want to do that you won't do, schedule it. Put it in a calendar. Not all your tasks, not everything, because you can see how this might work for everything. Just pick one thing and put it in the calendar. This one thing that's haunting you, and expect resistance. That's probably why it's not in the calendar in the first place. Scared to make it official, knowing that we're just gonna let ourselves down, knowing that it's coming. Use that. It's never gonna be easy. There I there's no world where emailing Troy is like this fun, shiny object. I can't wait to email Troy that critical feedback today. Good lord. With Troy's attitude, that's not gonna be easy. So you schedule it, right? You you set an alarm, whatever you need, and then you find any means necessary to get started at that time, even though pick any productivity hack that gets you started. You scheduled it. Okay, you said you had time for it, so it's literally about getting started. I'm personally a timer nerd. These are the things that I use personally. I'm a timer nerd. I go into our body doubling room at ADHD Big Brother. I'm almost daily. I declare my intentions in our daily accountability club to make my intentions visible because that works. I put my ego on the line. These are the productivity hacks that work for me. They work for me when I'm happy, they work for me when I'm sad, they work for me when I don't give a shit, when I'm feeling overwhelmed, when I'm in burnout. It's one task. Just one. This is also the thing that I use in our group coaching. So uh if you're interested in that, reach out. I'm not gonna spiel you, but the principle here is three to four things in an entire week. It's about consistency in three to four things that earn a spot on your calendar. Things that you aren't already gonna do, things that you keep meaning to get to, but you know you never will. You put them in the calendar. When do you have time for them? And you get practice at doing a task while you are absolutely miserable, while it feels wrong, while your body is rebelling, while you can't focus. Try that. See if that works. Get to know yourself a little better. Try half-assing it. Even though you're capable of whole assing, half assing is better than whole assing because it prevents no assing. We want a little bit of ass in this, right? We want to put a little bit of ass into our day. And if you're miserable, man, misery loves company. So you join ADHD Big Brother and you do your shitty task while I do mine. It's definitely more fun. Alright, there you go. That'll do it. How about we do this? This is a summary here. Pick a task, schedule it in your calendar, just one. Be thoughtful about the time that you schedule it. Will anything possibly come up at that time? Pick an actual time when you objectively when you could work on the thing. Not when you're gonna want to, but when could you, and then you expect misery. What are you like doing the laundry while you were miserable or while you're depressed? I've cried my way through laundry before. I'm not afraid to say it. Bald my eyes out. Yeah. I've shed some tears while folding laundry. I guarantee you I've done stuff while being totally dysregulated by text messages that don't have fucking punctuation in them. Why would you even bother sending me a text message? It's literally like you're telling me you hate me. The point is here, is I don't believe it's always about being different first before activating. Like, oh, I gotta take care of this emotion or this thing before I get started. I say, try doing this even though that. Does that even make sense? Do this even though that, okay? You don't need the this before the that. And that'll be five million dollars for my speech. Does that even make sense? Well, try it. Do this even though that and see what happens. Um, this work is always best done with others. I just definitely more fun. I challenge you to join ADHD Big Brother for a month, or just take advantage of the $10 for 10 days. That's probably going on right now. Get through the onboarding, book your one-on-one call with me. That's part of what you get when you join. And then get your ass into daily accountability with the rest of us and just watch how you start doing stuff. I bet you will. It doesn't fix my depression to get shit done, but I'll tell you what, it definitely doesn't suck getting stuff done. All right, I fully expect to see you guys in there. Right, let's get our shit together together. You wanna? Alright, I'm off to go meditate now, even though I really don't want to. Low mood states, am I right? All right, guys, uh, have yourself a fantastic week, and I shall talk to you later.