229 - ADHD + Depression - How I Weather My Storm

Today I am proving that you can be in a depressive episode and laugh at the same time. 

Going through a depressive episode sucks. In this episode I'm sharing what mine feels like currently and some of the strategies I'm using to get through it. 

Learn more about ADHDBB here - https://adhdbigbrother.circle.so/adhdbb

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Transcript

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There is a lot going on. There's just uh a whole lot of everything, and it's all the time. And sometimes, uh, like recently, it sinks me. So we're gonna keep it timely and fire up the submarine to the bottom of the ocean. We go! You are listening to ADHD Big Brother, the podcast for adults struggling with their ADHD, their comorbid depression, their anxiety. Oh, it's just a new. I'm your host and your ADHD Big Brother, Rush Jones. I've got ADHD too. I've got depression as well. It's crapastic. So let's learn some stuff. Let's laugh at some stuff. Let's make some commitments to do some stuff. And ladies and gentlemen, here's some stuff. All right, welcome to the podcast. How are you guys doing? You doing all right? Um, it is really nice having you here. Um, a couple things. Uh, we're gonna go over some serious stuff today. But we're but we're gonna enjoy it. We are gonna enjoy the hell out of this serious stuff. Um, first of all, we had our for our first couple of Conquering your Turned Mountain uh events. It was super fun. These have been super fun calls. Um, I just oh my god, I love talking to people about how just the way that we do the things, you know? And it's been super cool hearing how other people have their systems, right, or managing their systems. How are they how are they managing their lives? And and uh it's kind of eye-opening to where some of us are struggling, so some are and sharing some of the cobbled together strategies that we've all put together. It's super fun. Um, and we still have a couple of spots left in the the workshops coming up uh in the coming week. So if you're uh um my brain is oh my god, I don't know if you guys can tell I'm in a depressive episode, but it's like my brain just does not want to share. It is like, I don't fucking care. Do you want to come in? And it's helpful, it'll work, it'll be we'll all have a good time together, but um let's let's get right into the mental health report. You know I have a community, you know it's fucking great, you know it's awesome, and if you need help, you'll come and get it. I believe in that. So let's just go to the mental health report. Uh I'm gonna give you some of the strategies that I use when I'm in a depressive episode. Like right now, I am in uh I'm in one and it sucks. Um in every podcast, what we do is we normalize talking about our skull spaghetti, the good, the bad, the weird. We're not always fine. Um, you know, society makes us put on a mask, you know, to look normal and okay. I'm good. How's the weather? What's up? Um, and I think that that's a stupid way to live. I don't wanna. So the last couple of days I sunk and it it sucks. Um, and for me it feels very situational. Like I got some shitty news about money that I owed to the government of all places. Like I got some shitty news about money that I owed the government of all places. And I don't particularly love owing money to the government, you know, especially when I think it's their error, not mine. Uh, but here we are. It was like a just a gut punch. And so my reactivity to my perceived injustices, uh, as I see them, it's not usually anger. Um, it's just this uh morose, it's like a morbid, I don't know if these are the right words. It's uh uh it's like just to throw my hands up. I just want to quit, you know? It's like my it's not fight or flight, it's the freeze. That's my the F of the acute stress response. Mine is freeze. Um and that freeze, it's I shut down. So my entire being wants to play dead. It's very animalistic, you know? Everything feels heavy, physically heavy, and my brain loses focus, it just dwells in dread, even in the absence of thought. It's just uh it's like a just a dark dread bubble. And then my body gets super, super tired. Um, which makes sense, right? So my body is like the animal version of my body. It's like, you know, it wants to wants to play dead, you know. I'm trying to carry on with my day, and my body's like, you need to play dead, bro. The government's trying to eat you alive, you know. Maybe, maybe shit your pants so you you don't taste appetizing. I don't know. Maybe that's what I'll do. Maybe when the government comes to collect, does that what do they actually come to your door to collect? I don't know, probably not, but I'm gonna shit my pants and be like, they'll be like, wait, what is that awful smell? And I'll be like, I don't know what you're talking about, government. I am very confused right now. And they'll be like, we gotta get out of here. Uh we're coming back later. Have our money. And I'll be like, okay, sounds good. Oh, gee. I'm sorry. I guess it's not just fight, flat, or freeze, you know? Some people say the other one is fawn. I think it's feces. I think that's the the additional F. Oh man. Anyways, do you have an F? What's your F? Are you a rager? Do you play dead, or do you like want to just get out of the country? You're gonna be like, I'm out of here, flight time. Perhaps it's helpful to discuss how one works through this stuff. Maybe that would be a little bit more effective. Um, I'm a big fan of dialogue with fellow depressos. Um, I'm a community person. You guys know that. When life is heavy, when it's overwhelming, and like I just can't add anything to my plate. Life is too much, I'm barely surviving. I like I like to have a community that I can share my struggle with. So uh I really appreciate the ADHD brother community. I can show up ugly for it. I can share what isn't working, and I can see what other people are doing to get on the other end of their slog. Uh, and so it's nice. Sometimes it's just nice to be validated, you know, to be like, yeah, life's stupid, man. You are seen, my brother. Um, that's so much more helpful to me than just trying to slog this stuff out on my own, you know, and having a girlfriend like Emily who's super supportive and my my other friends. That's it's just great. That aspect of having other people in the sphere is super helpful to me. I think my particular struggle is that, you know, often people feel like the answer that they want to go after is, and it's well-meaning, you know. I'm not faulting anybody for this, uh, but they want to point out what's good in your life and they want to challenge your thinking because, you know, we're not seeing it in the depression moment. Like nothing's good. Nobody likes me. The world hates me. Um, and so then they'll be like, Well, you have so much going for you, you know, look what you've done. You've you're supporting yourself with the coaching in the community. That's fucking tough to do. On paper, that's what my journaling would be, right? But it's I I think I but I think particularly I don't I think cognitive reframes are stupid when I'm depressed. I'm not a therapist, so I'm just gonna openly shit talk. So, you know, don't take my advice. There, I caveat it. There's my aster kick um on my entire being. Don't listen to me. But if you're still listening, uh cognitive reframes, they have their place. I get it, but not with me when I'm in a depressive episode. Um, because I know all the good stuff already. I know the error in the thinking. I know I have so much going for me, but I cannot think my way out of a depression. It's just it's it's it's historically it hasn't been real for me. And I don't particularly enjoy talking to my brain, you know, uh like negotiating with it when it's acting like a douchebag. I do not I don't conversate with my abuser. So no, thank you. So this idea of like, you know, just try thinking, how would you like to think about that thought, you know? Do you notice the distortion? You can you undistort it? Maybe there's your answer. I don't know. If you've ever met my brain, I'm sure you'd be shocked. Maybe you wouldn't be shocked. I don't know. It's how brutal it can be in thinking about me. It has all kinds of endless light and joy for you, but it is the worst to me. It's like it I don't know if this is a shitty example or not, but it made me think of like a you know, like a parent who is just the worst. They're abusive, they're the meanest, they're the worst parent on the face of this earth, right? And their kid grows up and has kids, and then that asshole becomes like a good grandparent. So the grandkid is like, oh, Nana and Ping Pong, and they're the greatest. And you're like, fuck that. That's how that feels. That was the image that came up to my head. By the way, my parents are awesome, and I love them. So this wasn't an example of them. So, like, you're the grandkid in this case, and my brain is the monster. It's great to you. I'll show up for you all day long, every day. I'll give you the best of me all the time, and then I will shit on myself. People are like, well, just reframe it, just undistort it and reframe it, put it in a new frame. My brain is just like your Facebook feed, man. It's just like a bunch of bullshit streams of various divisive, petty, angry, non-helpful chatter. It's my brain is like my worst troll. You know, so we're like, maybe just try to reframe it. Go to Michael's Arts and Crafts store, buy a new frame for those metal pictures. That'll solve it. I don't know about that. You know, you put a shitty picture in a different frame, it's still a shitty picture, right? So you're like, well, so what do you do? Okay, this is how it I do. I know that it's a shitty picture and it's in a dumb frame. And I know it's there, and I know what it looks like. It's permanently sealed to my wall, apparently. So I know it's not going anywhere anytime soon. So, but I can choose not to stare at it. It's a stupid, ugly photo on the wall of my brain, whatever. That's kind of my ideal with working through this stuff. It's like I'm not gonna stare at that painting and try to make it look like art. Like, oh, but you know, it's like I kind of see a face in the cloud there, you know. Like, no, it's just a stupid, ugly photo. I'd like rather just move on and try to get some shit done. Anyways, it's always for me the answer has been in some form of time plus distraction. So, like the distraction shift, I would say in my later years, I've pivoted to more healthy ways. Like, so before it used to be alcohol, nicotine, drugs, reckless behavior. My big one, oh, the big one, was napping. Oh, let me nap and check out of the world. But now it's a lot, uh, it's trickier. It's harder to find healthy ways to distract. I have to be engaged in something because uh if I don't, then my mind, it's always pulling towards dread. So to weather through the storm, I have to hang on to the wheel as much as I can and be mindful about it, you know, and be like actively pursuing the distraction. And this the distract and so the solutions that I go after have to they have to be as simple as possible. Some of them are like, oh yeah, good luck getting me moving when I'm depressed. And I get that. Um, I'm literally just gonna share, you know, a couple of the things that I'm actively doing, and I will just let me just honor the fact that for some people that'll be too much. So this isn't me suggesting, you know, here's how you get over your depression. Go for a jog three miles a day, it'll be great. I said, no, that's not what I'm doing. I'm just gonna tell you what I'm doing. And uh if you want to try it, try it. And if you don't want to try it, garbage it. It's you know, no big deal. Um, I do go on walks right now. Maybe they're helpful. Uh, I know on paper that they are. I I actually think that the fact that I'm doing these challenges in the community, um, that's the how I'm doing it, right? They so these challenges, they aren't like, hey, everyone is starting February 1, we're gonna do this challenge. They're evergreen. At some point, one of us will make a challenge, and then anybody can start it at any time. It's usually like a 30-day to do a thing challenge. And at the end of it, if you succeed at it, then you get like a badge on your profile. It's just it's really cool, it's fun. And it's uh a way to be like, I'm doing a challenge, and then you post about it in your daily accountability, and that's what gives you visibility and accountability on it. Um, it's it is really cool. Uh, and I really move forward when I have visibility on things. That's why I went on my 30-minute walk in the rain the other day, because it's not because the walk is good for me. Uh, it's because I personally didn't want to start a 30-day challenge again. I'm like 21 days into a walk 30 minutes for 30 days challenge, and uh, I'm not fucking starting that over again. I don't want to go back to day one. So that's what works for me. It's like it has nothing to do with the walking or the benefit of the walking. I'm I'm in a challenge, and the the thing I have to do in the challenge is the walking. So the walking is is happening. The benefits of walking in them, it's just I don't know, man. It doesn't really buzz my biscuits. It just uh it's not that exciting to me. So while it it isn't necessarily fixing my depression, I know that missing the walk would make me sink farther, it would give my brain another thing to be a dick about. Um, and that compels me to walk. You know, I'm not jumping up and down in a depressive state, being like, I went on my walk, yay me. I'm like that. No, I'm just but I'm stabilized. I'm not getting worse. That's a big deal to me. Um, so putting my attention on these community challenges has been good. Also, this is big. I need to give myself permission to get away from it. Um, so like there's still this work to be done with the government crap. Um, so that is a whole project and it percolates in my head. It's an incessant dread of like, okay, where do I, and then how do I, or what do I? And it's just, oh God. I give my I believe in giving myself permission to forget these things. And so to do that, I need a functioning way of managing my inflow of to-dos, right? That's my bullet journal. And I purge all this stuff into my brain dump. And because I'm a good ADHDer, right? I have a reliable way of interacting with my bullet journal. I know that I'm going to see it and I'm going to do something about it. I will take care of this before the deadline, but not today. I have permission for not today. I have permission to forget. Today is going to be self-care, right? Whatever healthy distraction I can muster, I've got my internal permission to do that. And that really helps me to get this bullshit out of my head. Some ways that I've been distracting are um, I find that time with my kids is a healthy distraction. Um, I've been playing Minecraft with them lately. That helps me to forget the dramas. I do love a good Minecraft sesh, um, and the music is so nostalgic at this point. Uh so for me, that is a good escape. Um, also, I've been this is I've been doing guided meditations. Um, and I will share this with you. I've been doing um I've been doing spirit guide meditations. Do you guys know that? That we have spirit guides? Apparently we have spirit guides. Um, and I don't know if you believe that or not, but I am pretty good at going there. You say we've got spirit guides? By God, we've got them. Um, you saying I can talk to them? All right, all right, let's get one of my fucking spirit guides on the line. Because what the hell, bro? So where I'm like, so I put on the headphones and we're like, let's go, let's go. What's the music? Good, good. We're gonna do walk through a meadow, done. Gonna pull me out of my body, fly me over the over the landscape, into a waterfall, into a cave to talk to my spirit guide. Perfect. Where's the doorbell? I'm ready to talk. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on in the spirit realm, guys? What the fuck are you guys doing? You smoking crack cocaine? Let's go. Let's get some goodness going. Let's manifest some of this thriving bullshit I keep hearing about. Anyway, I've been enjoying getting into a nice meditative place, journeying into the spirit realm and complaining. Uh, I do feel more relaxed at the end. I'll say that. What people think, like, what are we supposed to do? We're supposed to listen to our spirit guides? No, not me. I'm I'm aggressive. I'm like, we're holding spirit guide performance reviews. I'm putting everybody on a fucking pip where I have these performance improvement plans, or are I'm getting new spirit guides. Let's go, spirit realm. I'm sitting here like an idiot with a golden thread shooting up my butt from the core of the earth, ejecting out of my third eye into the universe. I'm ready for some answers. Let's get our shit together up here in the spirit realm. Anyway, that's me. Um, what do you what do you guys do? What do you do when the depressive crap hits? Uh, have you adopted healthy ways of distracting, of of weathering the storm, or do you still struggle with that? I am super interested. Strategies galore, let's bring 'em. Hit me up, shoot me an email, or you could we can weather the storm together. Click on the link, join the community, get your ass in there. Um and as a reminder to all of you, I do Oh, this is some good marketing stuff. Here's my marketing portion. You want a plus ten this? Fucking I hope your plus ten is broken. I have a PDF for you. Are you struggling to get started on something? I've got a way of doing things that works for me when just do it isn't on the menu. It's the ready set go situation. You'll find that in the show notes. Go have a look. And if you don't see it in the show notes, it's because I pulled it out at some point, and this is probably the future year. Um so just go to adhbigbrother.com and click on contact, and you can find me there. I kind of sounded like Bob Ross, didn't I? Alright, now we're gonna paint some happy trees. We're gonna go into the spirit realm and we're gonna slap around our spirit guides. Alrighty, guys, that's gonna do it for me. Um that is the podcast. Uh, and um I hope you enjoyed it. If not, I hope you tolerated it. Uh, and if you like it, please share this podcast on your social medias or with anyone you think would benefit from it. Um, and with that, I hope you have a fantastic week, and I shall talk to you later.