150 - How To Get The Chaos Out Of Our ADHD Head

Inside our skull spaghetti is more often than not a nonstop tsunami of chaos, and trying to figure out how to get it out in the most effective way possible is a huge pain in the ass. I'm here to help. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Inside our brains, inside our skull spaghetti, the amount of zippy zappies happening all day, it's a chaotic storm of thoughts and ideas and plans and things to do and things we forgot to do and things that we got to remember that we forgot to do, but we got to remember to do them, and lots of self-critical judgments and all kinds of stuff. If only there was a way to get this stuff out of our head. Well, now there is for only $19,000 or 15 easy installments of $255. Whatever. This is how you do it. You are listening to ADHD Big Brother, the podcast for adults struggling with their ADHD and comorbid depression symptoms. I'm your host, Russ Jones, author of The Standing to the Top, believer that you can actually have a smile in your life despite this diagnosis. So let's make some sense out of this struggle. Let's learn some stuff, let's laugh at some stuff. Ladies and gentlemen, here's some stuff. And welcome to the podcast. Thank you for showing up on this bright day or sunny day or rainy day or cloudy day or the day that's filled with uh, I don't know, hurricane activity. Whatever kind of a day it is, I'm glad that you're here and making the time to listen to this podcast. Uh I love that you're listening right now. Makes me happy. Should we get started? Uh we'll just do some mental health update and then we'll do some ADHD Big Brother uh stuff and then we'll get into it. Man, mental health update. I sank the other day. Holy shit. It was a Friday night, and I got that feeling that it's it's like that feeling where people are out in the world and they're having a good time and they're all enjoying themselves, and there's like life happening outside of my place, and I'm at home and life is hard and things are tough, and I don't have a person, and oh my god, I just sank. I was in bed, it was like six o'clock, maybe seven p.m., and I just got obsessed with scrolling my phone. It wasn't the best use of my time, and I just the day went away. Anyway, mental health took a downturn big time the other day, and uh I'm really working on some DIY ACT stuff, which is do it yourself, uh, except as a commitment therapy. Yeah, I don't know. I just I must have been hooked on that the hopeless feeling or the it just all the thoughts spiraling just grabbed me and and they had me. So uh, you know, I'm still working on that stuff. Anyway, it's been a very helpful process going through that, and it's really helpful being a part of the community. So and honestly, yeah, let's let's fold this into the ADHD Brother. Let's say this is gonna be an ad for the ADHD Brother community for only $19,000. I'm just kidding. Well, um, so as you know, I am a staunch supporter of community for adults with ADHD. I just it it's it's such a big deal, it's a bigger deal than I I can even possibly make it out to be. I mean, some people like will join these uh groups, and there's groups on Facebook and lots of memes, lots of relating to each other, and that's great. We get tips, we get tricks, we get you know, the hackeroons. It's feeling like we're not alone is a big deal. So that's awesome. The community that I built is um stacks on top of that. When you say, Yeah, okay, I'm not alone, I get that. So now where are my people that are gonna help me handle all these fucking overwhelming to-dos? How do I get my shit together? You know, just because we know how hard it all is, just because we all get it, doesn't mean that we're doing anything about it. And I created a place that's built on that. That's like, to me, it's about the doing. We have things that we want to achieve, but we lack the executive function, the working memory to even remember that we're doing it. And so we need a place to totally suck at things over and over and over again without losing the hope. Like we need it to be shame-free so that we can say, hey, I had a big idea, and then you know, the big idea went away, or we forgot that the big idea happened.

SPEAKER_00 4:01

But we don't feel the normie pressure, you know, the like, you never do what you say you're gonna do, you know. This is just your next big thing, and this is you know it's not gonna go anywhere because you're not gonna finish it. It's none of that bullshit.

SPEAKER_01 4:13

We need a like-minded tribe that says, yeah, okay, that sucks. You forgot about it? Oh man, that blows. Do you still want to do it? Do you still need some accountability? We need those coaching style questions that have no judgment in them that help us to keep nudging forward, and that's what we're doing. And I want you to join. And it and if it sucks, just tell me within seven days that I will put your money right back in one of those bank tubes, boop, and it'll shoot over to you. But seriously, if any of you need that extra help, I am telling you, I struck gold with this community. Just all you have to do is it's not me. I struck gold. Like the people that are in there are fucking amazing. Like all you have to do is join, introduce yourself, and just watch what happens. You know, sometimes you join these communities and it's just people that will chime in for a day or two, and then it's like a ghost town. People will automatically start cheering you on, and it's super fun for me to watch. You could just lurk in the daily accountability for a week and watch how many people with ADHD, and I'm pretty sure it's all of us that we either have anxiety or depression or some other fucking fun disorder, and we're all doing stuff and keeping stuff top of mind and rooting each other on. It's super cool. And it's set up similar to like a Facebook, but there's dedicated spaces in there for various things like daily accountability. We do weekly planning in there. I host a couple of monthly Zoom chats for uh monthly goals, and there's a body doubling room, and then there's a bunch of resources in there, like all the videos I've ever done, all the webinars, workshops, and worksheets that I've made, it's just a whole bunch. It's like it's not just a community, it's like an ADHD mastermind. It's pretty freaking rad. So anyway, uh that's my big pitch. I'll see you in there. It is a game changer. Also, if you're uh more of a one-on-one type of person, I do have two slots opened up for one-on-one coaching. So if you want that face-to-face accountability and support, you can book a free 30-minute uh shoot the shit call with me. Uh, you can book that through the uh website. And then also in final notes of the updates, I'm doing the how ADHDers can do shitty things webinar July 25 and 26th. It's a free webinar. I'll explain why it's hard for us to do the shitty things, like the dishes uh and the strategies that I use to get on the other end of that. It's a quick one. It's like 30 minutes of info followed by 30 minutes of QA. Then, or it might go longer, it just depends on how much fun we're having. The QA is the funnest part. Um, and just bring your struggles. If you have struggles, you want to uh you want to chat with about them, just bring it. Okay, that's uh the ADHD Big Brother fun stuff. Thanks for entertaining that. Now let's talk about getting this stuff out of our head. I bet you guys were like, yeah, it's like just write it down, dude. That's the answer. Podcast is over. Write it on a piece of paper and it's out of your head. Okay. Let's start by being clear about what it means to get things out of our head. And this is a bit of a ramble, and it's gonna be riddled with personal opinions. So, you know, here you go. I think uh here's my view on externalizing. Uh, first of all, it's of the utmost importance to us. It must be done. I used to be someone that would write things on random post-it notes, I'd write them on an envelope or in my hand or something, but mostly I would just say to myself, I gotta remember that. Or I gotta remember to take care of that. And we all know how that plays out. Divorce. Am I right? Show of hands. Anybody? Nobody else? Just me? Anybody on any thin icers out there? Anybody on thin ice? Any thread hangers? Anybody hanging on by a thread? Oh. Noted. What helps is to get things out of our head. It's we cannot rely on our brain. But it's not just about getting it out of our head. It has to be in a place where we're gonna actually look at it. I am supremely guilty of downloading every productivity app there is to find like the to-do list that looks and feels really cool. It integrates with all the integrative things I need it to integrate with, and it'll be the cure all. But I don't ever use them. And then the reason that is, is because I have 18,000 apps on my phone, and the phone, it's really just a big black rectangle. The screen is always black for most of the time if it's just sitting on the table. So my to-do list goes from swimming in my brain to swimming in my technology, and it's just as inaccessible and as unreliable. And and on top of that, it's probably still in the brain because we don't have a reliable place for it. And there's so there's no permission to forget, which is the the reason why we get it out of our head. We need to get to that place where we can give ourselves permission to forget. I got I got really passionate there. We have you guys, you gotta believe me. We gotta give ourselves permission. Um that was a little thick, I think. I think I laid it on a little thick there. But I it's passionate, I feel passionate about it, you know? Back off. Like, sure, okay, so it might dawn on me to check my phone and see what's going on with my to-do list. It just might dawn on me to do it, and I have to remember to look at it because if it's out of sight, it's out of mind. And that's the same thing with my brain. It, you know, a thought might flicker, oh yeah, I gotta remember to do that. Oh yeah, I forgot to do that, I gotta remember to do that. It's the same unreliability, it's it's it's not good. So, all that to say, it's like the place that you externalize your life, it should be a place that you look. It should be as in front of your face as possible. And it's like if it's buried in your phone and you don't remember to look at it and you don't acknowledge any of your reminders that are popping up, it's just totally pointless. And here's a lesson I learned. So, in the community, many of us are in the habit of posting our weekly plan. It's in the weekly planning space, it's very aptly named the weekly planning space. So I'll put like different buckets, right? It's there's uh what am I doing for my personal life? What am I doing for my health life? What am I doing for ADHD Big Brother? And it's like, what are the big things I want to knock off in those areas of my life this week? So great, I've externalized it, right? And what I found was is that I would post that on on Sunday. And then I would look next Sunday when I was planning my week, I would look back at the week before to see what I did. Like, did I actually do any of those things? And then it don't and it dawned on me. So I'm the only time I'm looking at that list is when I'm making it and then I'm when I'm looking back on it. I'm not actually referring to it. So while it's great to externalize my weekly plan and give and get support in the community, the missing component is keeping it where I can see it and reference it. And then so then rather than making a weekly plan that I don't even look at, I now have a weekly plan that I achieve because I printed it out now and I put it on my magnetic whiteboard right next to my desk. And it's right there where I keep a bunch of stuff that I look at. So looking at it throughout the day is actually happening. And guess what? I'm doing more of what I said I was gonna do rather than a whole bunch of shit that's productive, but it wasn't what I said I was gonna do. So how about that? How about that? I'll be a son of a bitch. Externalizing in front of my eyeballs is a big deal. And this is where I want to take a brief and this is where I want to take a brief pause. I want to talk about the the term more likely. So it I still don't finish everything from my list all the time, but I'm more likely now to finish everything on my list. And I think that's a big term for people with ADHD. We I don't know. If you're like me, that black and white thinking is like I have to have my system and my the way that I do things, and it's gotta work perfectly. So if it works perfectly, I do everything that I say I'm gonna do and it's perfectly done. But we're looking actually for more likely. What makes things more likely to happen? They might still not happen, but we're just trying to raise the percentage of likelihood. And externalizing my weekly list right in front of my face has done so. Thank you very much. So, all of this isn't to say that an app or something like that is bad. It's not. The question is to ask is are you gonna look at it? Do you look at it enough so that it works? Do you forget to look at it? Has it been a week since you opened it? Is it one of five places that you externalize? That would be the other thing that I would also advocate for. Is I'm a huge uh fan of the Lord of the Rings notebook. And that means one notebook. One notebook to rule them all. It's your precious. Do you guys have a precious one place that holds your brain? That would be the ultimate. A huge part of ADHD is implementing the structure of effective daily planning. Like, and I'll take that even a step further to say it's an ongoing iteration of effective daily planning that changes over time. Like we often think, right, that we have to find the right system, that black and white, that's the right planner, the right app. But in my experience, it's about one, we externalize. Who gives a shit how? Just get it out of your head. And then two, okay, it's out of your head now, great, but it's in too many places. All right, pick a place now. Number three, does the place work? Okay, use it. Does it not work? Okay, try something else. Keep externalizing though. And then number four, you found a place that works, you got a cool app, you've been using it for three months. Awesome. It's working, cool, great. And now it stops working. Okay, get something new and exciting, whatever works. Who gives a shit? Between you and me, the difference between us and the normies is that we need novelty and new. And if newness and novelty wears off and it's been worn off for a while, like this doesn't seem to be coming back for this way of externalizing, well then what are you gonna do to keep your structure and effective daily planning? Explore something new while you wait for the juice to come back for the old system. You know, the normies, they'll tell you like the if the system was working, just keep using your system. Don't reinvent the wheel. If that works, great. If it doesn't, well, then what are you gonna do about it? And if the answer is, I don't I don't know. I think what I'll do about it is I'll beat myself up because I'm a big loser and I can't make anything stick, then I would suggest a trying a different tactic. Uh, you know, maybe a tactic with a little more, you know, grace, a little more self-care in it. Something like, hey, this planning system is it's really fucking boring. And I hate it. Okay. I'm gonna find something else, and I'm going to reach out to my ADHD community, and I'm gonna ask, hey guys, what are you doing to daily plan? Because mine sucks right now. And then you see if somebody's uh plan doesn't spark something in you. That's the ADHD way, and that's why community rules. So let me summarize this. Okay, one, get the shit out of your head, man. It's a tornado of chaos in there, it's where to-do's go to die. Get 'em out. Number two, have one place to externalize to. Number three, that place needs to be looked at daily. Where might that place be? And number four, if it works, it works. And if it doesn't work, and you've tried to turn the engine on for it, and the car is dead, it's time for a new car. Alrighty. I think that's gonna do it for this little episode here, this little fun little episode. Hope that was helpful. Uh, if you have any questions about anything, you can always reach out to me. Uh, links for all that stuff is in the show notes. Reminder that the free webinar for is July 25 and 26. Links are in the show notes, along with more information about the ADHDB bro community. If you want to get your shit together, together. And I got two slots for one-on-one skis. If you guys want that direct big brothering, happy to help. And with that, you guys reach out anytime. And if you want to keep alerted, just make sure you subscribe to the podcast, or you can go to the website and subscribe to the newsletter. You'll be updated on all the things ADHDBB. All right, hope you guys have a fantastic week, and I will talk to you later.